Living With CFIDS
Understanding our energy envelope

The story that follows is an excerpt from Thomas Oates’ audio book, Recovery, The Peace that Heals. For more information, please see his web site at www.healing-peace.com.

Fourteen years ago while I was touring the tropical mountains of Sri Lanka, I ran across an Indian elephant chained to a small stake in the ground. It was a big bull in his prime who could have easily yanked the stick up and trampled the nearby huts. I could not understand what was keeping him from twitching his hind leg and freeing himself. After all, this elephant had been chained because he had been aggressive and hard to control.

I asked the owner how this  could be, and he said that long ago they had chained him to a  palm tree. At first, the elephant pulled and pulled against the trunk of the tree for many days. Finally, he grew weary of the tug of war and linked the shackle and chain with no hope, no freedom, no life. The elephant had learned to be helpless. By the time I saw him, he had been chained so long that the thought of pulling against even a small stake was long gone.

While in the middle of CFIDS, I kept this image in my mind when I felt like things were hopeless. I knew some day the tree would turn into a stake stuck in the ground and that I must continue to gently pull on the chain, testing it by pursuing joyful, heartfelt activities. When the chain cut my leg, I knew I had pulled too hard and that the  tree was still there. I learned to maneuver within the limits of the chain’s length, occasionally tugging and testing its anchor.

We must not give up, but also must not pull in vain. We should count the links in our chain and follow our joy within those limits. We should not waste time heaving against a tree. I still think about the elephant and the valuable lesson he taught me. My tree became a teacher that turned into a peace that I now carry with me.

My chains are now gone. However, like the elephant, I was never able to saw the shackle from my  leg, and now I do not want to. It serves as a reminder of the peace I came to know from being tied to a palm tree in paradise. Just as the elephant eventually became peaceful and learned the ways of his master, so have I, and now I am allowed to roam free.

This lesson may have relevance for others. PWCs must be very sensitive to the amount of energy we have in general and maneuver within those limits. If we know there are only a few links in our chain, we must not try to wander off when we have a particularly good day.