A Poem By Katie Weatherford

What is this pilgrimage; this passage?
This place where years flee in a white
blur past me?
There is no space to breathe here,
But there is space for fear here.

I stumbled into this space
forever ago.
In rage, in pain and sadness
I staggered and reached back for the
Eden doors of my life,
then watched weakly as they closed
before me.

Don’t tell me I don’t know how to fight.
I’m living with this longing,
and in between the lingering and the
letting go.
Knowing that being consumed by this
would mean the death of me.
I may be lost and bound but
I’m still here.
Don’t tell me I don’t know how to fight.

There’s nothing I’d like better
than to shift this fate I’m in.
To have traversed the passage, looking back
Not still journeying.
Confined in this dark place,
I claw for any hopeful, solid ground.
But I won’t be denied.
I’ll find a way, or I won’t
but I won’t let life pass me by.

Katie Weatherford is a CFIDS survivor who lives in Colorado and recently returned to work full time. She is founder of a group to help assist Colorado PWCs and support groups, called CFIDS Advocacy for Awareness, Research, Education and Support (CAARES).