Living With CFIDS

The Quest for Serenity
By B. Schroeder

Those of us with chronic fatigue and immune dysfunction syndrome (CFIDS) and those near and dear to us who feel its impact are often overwhelmed by the illness and its consequences. CFIDS is such a personal catastrophe that we find it almost impossible to cope with all of its manifestations and complications. And once we get through the initial shock, dismay, and confusion, we try to find a way out, a way to go forward, or a way to get around it. And although the well-known serenity prayer seems almost impossible to attain, it holds out the hope that we can at least make a start in the direction of achieving some inner peace.

Accepting our illness. Accepting that we have CFIDS is necessary if we are to get past the frustration and anger we may feel toward doctors, employers, insurers, and even friends and family. Acceptance means recognizing that we can’t change our condition or circumstances by waving a magic wand. Acceptance means not getting stuck on “Why me?” or even “Why?” It is up to us to take responsibility for ourselves, for what we say and do, and how we are going to cope with it all.

Perhaps most difficult for people with CFIDS is accepting our many and painful losses. CFIDS is devastating and life-changing and can leave us feeling helpless. While we mourn our losses, we must learn to reach out to others to help us along our way. Acceptance can be the most difficult part of our quest for serenity, but it is also the most helpful in learning how to cope with our illness.

Having the courage to change. The other part of the quest for serenity involves the courage to change the things we can. It takes courage to move beyond acceptance and make our altered life as good for ourselves as possible. It takes effort, time, and energy. We may go off in many directions—directions that later prove fruitless and disappointing—but we must keep trying.

As we strive to change the things we can, we get to know ourselves better. We discover, or rediscover, our strengths and weaknesses and what we really can and can’t do. We decide what is important and what isn’t. We learn what and who is helpful to us. We learn who increases our distress. We learn to be our own best friend.

Trying to change what we can’t. In seeking serenity, we need to let go of our past. We have enough to cope with in our present, let alone the future. We must try to dump old burdens of all kinds. Visualize wiping the slate clean and turning over a new leaf by reinventing yourself. Try dealing with only the concerns that really must be dealt with and let the rest go. Don’t get involved with new projects unless they really improve your well-being. Let your spirit soar.

Achieving serenity. The wisdom to know when to accept circumstances or when to change things in our lives develops with time and experience. But as our wisdom grows, it gives us the power to attain the serenity that we yearn for. That serenity is enhanced by feeling better about ourselves. That serenity may be found in the new life that we try to live. That serenity makes us feel happier and more at peace with our world.

All the best to you on your quest.

B. Schroeder is a physical therapist with a master’s degree in family therapy. She has had CFIDS for 10 years.