The CFIDS Garden, Summer '96

Growing with CFIDS
By Sandy E. Becker

Originally published in Youth Allied By CFIDS, Summer 1996

The Seeds Are Planted: An Introduction
Imagine, if you will, a garden. Plants and flowers of all kinds grow side by side, each unique, but sharing a common soil. The garden needs sunlight and water to grow. Though perhaps harmed by weeds and hungry critters, the garden ultimately thrives. Each plant or flower matures at its own pace - some ready for picking much earlier than others. Over the years, through all its changes, the garden adds much beauty to the world.

We, as young people with CFIDS (YPWCs), are that garden. Each of us is a unique individual, growing with CFIDS as our common soil. We are helped by caring family, friends, teachers and doctors--our sunlight and water. We are harmed by those who disbelieve--the weeds and critters--but we survive despite our struggling. Over time, some garden members grow stronger and healthier and are ready to be given to the world, but never forget their roots and where they grew. As the years go by, the garden goes through many departures and new arrivals, but is always special and beautiful.

In every issue of YABC, I will be writing a column about some aspect of life in our garden. I'll try to tackle some of the many frustrations we all face, such as disbelief, fear, loss of friends and a sense of being left behind by the world. I'll address universal issues like dealing with doctors, and somewhat lighter topics such as dating. I will take a single topic and explore it in depth. My hope is that everyone will realize that we are together in this battle with CFIDS, facing many of the same issues, and we are here to help and support each other.

The Garden Grows
I think we often feel as though we are stuck at the age we were at the onset of CFIDS. For me, that's 17, on the verge of adulthood but still very young. Sometimes I still feel more 17 than 22. But, I think we do continue to mature, despite having an illness that takes away our independence and alters our lives so dramatically.

Life can continue, despite CFIDS. Growth can continue. Childhood diaries are abandoned in favor of more sophisticated journals. Toys gather dust while books and music become life's staples. Bedspreads and clothing featuring cartoon characters are replaced with flowers, stripes or solids. Quarrels with siblings become discussions. We find ourselves wanting to have a voice rather than letting our parents speak for us. We embrace adult responsibilities instead of running away from them.

We may have fallen behind our peers in education or job experience, but we have gained wisdom and maturity beyond our years because of what we have lived through and how we have survived. We've grown as people, but not in school or at work or out in the real world. We have grown in The CFIDS Garden.