The CFIDS Garden, Summer '97

Needing Help, Getting Help

By Sandy E. Becker

Originally published in Youth Allied By CFIDS, Summer 1997

Sometimes things get to be too much to handle. Sometimes you just need help. And sometimes, if you are lucky and willing, you get it.

My doctor had brought up the topic of counseling a few times. Though I have received excellent medical care as a chronically ill patient, he was concerned that we were neglecting me as a person. Over and over again, I resisted. I did not feel I needed counseling. I did not want to add yet another regular appointment to my schedule. And I felt weird about seeking help to deal with my own life. I had always been praised for "coping so well," and I would just continue on as usual, relying on my support system and my journal.

But, something happened as years went by and illness lingered on. The chronicity of having a chronic illness started to sink in, and my patience wore thin. I was more often feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and discouraged. I was tired of fighting so hard to maintain a lifestyle so different from the one I want. I struggled with motivation, wondering why I even bother making plans and try to have anything close to a normal life when things so often don't work out. I was feeling drained by the process of trying to get well and living in such uncertainty every day. I'd simply had enough.

Though I had been through minor coping slumps before, this time it was clear that these feelings weren't going away. Perhaps I'd had one too many disappointments. Maybe the downhill slide in my health for the umpteenth time was all I could take. Maybe I was just worn down from having to deal with so much and feeling like my life had been turned upside down repeatedly for several years. Whatever the cause, something snapped and I was slipping.

Still hesitant to ask for help, I waited for my doctor to bring up the counseling idea again. This time when he did, I had no objection. It was time. I was ready.

It took awhile to sort things out with my insurance company, but I was finally assigned to a clinic a few months ago. The clinic assigned me to their chronic illness counselor. I will say, without hesitation, that actually going to counseling is a lot easier for me than making the decision to go was!

My counselor and I got along well right from the first time we met. He's really easy to talk to. In fact, I think I may have said more words to him at that first appointment than I have said in all of the past six years combined! Talking to him is like having a living journal that gives me some much-needed feedback and understanding, and lifts some of the burden off my shoulders simply by listening. It's also like having a personal coach, filling in with motivation and encouragement where I'm currently lacking it. It's nice to have someone to complain to, and just to talk to about all sorts of illness stuff and life stuff.

Life certainly is not a barrel of laughs, but it is definitely getting better. I feel as though I'm truly beginning to cope again, rather than just pushing through each day, grateful when it ends. I've learned some valuable relaxation techniques. I don't feel as stressed or drained as I did a few months ago. I am starting to feel a little more like me again.

Life with any chronic illness is a challenge and most often a difficult one. But, it need not be an intense struggle on a daily basis. Sometimes things get to be too much for anyone to handle. Sometimes you just need help…and sometimes you get it.