CFIDS Profiles: Sandy
Hard-Fought Battles and Little
Originally published in
CFIDS Youth Alliance News, Fall 1995
Within my body, a battle ensues. The battle
is between mind & body, struggling with the harsh realities of CFIDS and the
heart & soul, very much alive and trying to find their place-a safe place.
On paper, I'm almost 22 years old. On
paper, I'm quite grown up. But, in my heart, I'm still a feisty, fiercely
independent 17-year-old girl, with lofty ambitions-ready to take on the world.
In my heart, I carry little-girl dreams of a beautiful wedding, a loving
husband, a quaint home, swarms of children at my feet and a photography business
I'll own and operate myself.
In my heart, time stands still-no one ages,
nothing changes. My heart waits for life to continue, for dreams to come true.
In my mind, I know it's 1995. My mind is all too aware of the many struggles
I've endured-the days when mere seconds have felt like years-and minutes, like
In my heart lies the frustration with
doctors who see and hear a mature, well-versed young lady and seem to forget,
all too soon, that I'm just a kid. A frustration with the health profession for
not knowing what to do with me-how to help me. In my mind lies the frustration
with myself for not possessing enough knowledge to determine exactly what I'm
fighting and what more I can do to help myself. A frustration and apprehension
about the uncertainty that is tomorrow.
I have two opposing forces within me. One
offers wisdom and guides me through every decision. The other offers the faith
and inner strength that help me cope. Together, these forces continue to offer
me patience, hope and courage, as I move forward in my battle with CFIDS. and I
Sandy is publisher and editor of
the newsletter "The CFIDS Advocate" in Ann Arbor, MI. She enjoys playing her
piano, listening to all types of music, taking photographs and doing calculus
problems. She looks forward to attending Kent State University as soon as she is