Gracefully Declining Invitations

Edited by Christy Record

This question was answered by Linda Miller Iger, PhD, a psychologist from Laguna Beach, CA who has a special interest in CFIDS.

Question: How can I gracefully decline invitations for parties and other social gatherings without feeling guilty about missing out on fun? So often I get the impression that the host or hostess is more disappointed about my not being able to attend than I am.

It can be difficult to find a graceful way to decline an invitation to a party. Friends must understand that when people have a chronic illness they will only attend those parties that their health and energy allows for. The person with CFIDS (PWC) must realize that feeling guilty or burdened for missing a celebration can cause a high level of distress which can, in turn, provoke a relapse. It is difficult enough to have to battle a debilitating illness without having to add excess emotional baggage like this.

Sometimes it seems that the host or hostess is more disappointed about feeling forgotten or ignored than the PWC is for having to miss a special social gathering. If a PWC pushes to do more than his or her body has energy for, he or she can push right into a relapse. This concern alone may be a sufficient explanation for declining an invitation. If the host is a person that the PWC does not want to discuss CFIDS with, then it is okay to simply decline the invitation and refuse any explanation.

While the winter months can be the toughest time of year for many PWCs, it is a good time to gather together with family and friends and enjoy fellowship. Have a great year!

Christy Record was a competitive soccer player before she got CFIDS.