Back to School

By Sandy Becker

Originally published in Youth Allied By CFIDS, Fall 1997

When I was little, the arrival of autumn was an exciting time. Autumn meant a new school year, an explosion of color from the bright autumn leaves, and visits to the apple orchard and cider mill.

Autumn has meant something entirely different since I’ve been sick. School years started without me. I noticed the colored leaves on my way to and from medical appointments, but never truly enjoyed them. Apples and cider were not part of my diet. The arrival of another autumn was just a reminder that one more year had come and gone.

Then 1997 arrived. My health has improved and stabilized enough this year so that I started thinking about resuming some of my old activities. School was at the top of my list, so I contacted a local university about enrolling and I was accepted in early August. I visited campus three times to register for a class, buy books and talk with the medical disability guy. Each time, I also walked around campus a little, locating important buildings and trying to let the "This is my school now" feeling sink in.

I started school on September 3rd. I was nervous as I ate breakfast, showered, got dressed and put all of my school supplies in my backpack. I had not been in a real classroom or spent much time around other young adults for more than five years. Would I remember how to be a student? Would I have anything to say to my classmates? Would I be the oldest person there? Would my energy hold up? Would I get through even one month of this?

That last question has an answer now. Yes, I have made it through my first month back in school! I’ve certainly had rough spots and I’m not going to say any of it has been easy. I have trouble remembering that I even have homework! My social skills need a lot of work, as I completely forget to introduce myself back when other students introduce themselves to me — one of the hazards of spending years socializing with people I’ve known forever. And I am tired, though thankfully not sick-tired.

But, it’s good to be back in school. It’s good to have a focus that is not medically related, and to feel like I’m making progress towards a degree. It’s good to find out that, for the most part, young adults are kind and not all that different from me. And, it’s good to know that there are even people older than me who are in college!

Most days, I take an earlier bus than I need to, so I arrive at school 20 minutes before my class starts. I use that time to sit in a well-populated area on campus, soaking up the energy. I also overhear some interesting conversations and see some unusual hairstyles! I smile at people who look my way, and I occasionally whistle just to add to the buzzing atmosphere.

My journey back to school has just begun, and while it has not all been smooth, it is worth the effort. When I wake up on Monday, Wednesday and Friday now, I think, "Today is a school day" and then I grin ear-to-ear.